Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
You only exist in the minds of others, therefore you are only as good of a fisherman as other people think you are.
It doesn’t matter what you are doing if no one is watching.
If no one is watching you might as well stay home and play with yourself and watch cable.
You fear looking stupid.
You are not mad that you went squirrel fishing and caught a tree, but you are mad because someone saw you do it.
The way your gear looks is almost more important than how it functions.
You spent 20 minutes sitting next to the river re-spooling your Orvis cause you never really intended to be seen using your $20 plastic back-up reel.
You have a fishing blog, which is set up with Google Analytics, so you can be sure people are actually looking at your posts.
You paid $50 for a SAGE sticker.
You have masturbated to a Trout Bum video.
You abide with the best of them.
Your gear works and that’s all that is important.
Your Scientific Angler floating like has become sinking tip, but that’s cool cause most of it still floats.
You have gone fishing and forgot your pole, but remembered the liquor.
You think paying $100 for a fishing vest is absurd. That’s what cargo pants are for.
You wear sandals.
Fishing is just another excuse for drinking outside. Catching a fish is a bonus.
You hemostats are “multi-purpose”.
You have referred to a fly you tied as “trippy”.
People think you are an asshole. You may or may not be, but you don’t care either way.
Your gear is very important and is kept clean and well oiled, but having the newest and most expensive and best looking stuff is not.
You mostly fish alone, not because you don’t have friends, but because you like it better that way. And you probably don’t have that many friends anyways. The ones you do have are most likely considered assholes too.
You are a good fisherman, and catch some real nice slabs. But no one has ever seen a photo of one.
You don’t get drunk while fishing, but you usually have a pocket flask filled with Scotch.
You fish every chance you get, in large part to get away from your wife.
The Computer Angler
It takes you less time to write a line of code than tie a surgeons knot.
You read every fly fishing blog, and are always up to date on news, flows, new tying patterns.
Like “The Show Off”, you also have a blog, but most of it is regurgitating news and videos from other sites. You are far too busy keeping up to date in the fly community to have an original thought about it.
Your blogroll is a novel.
You still live with your parents, and you do fish, but your allowance money is not enough to buy much equipment and your mom only lets you use the car for “important stuff”.
You sunburn easily.
The Intergalactic Oneness Seeker
You are not a human doing, or a human living, you are a human being…. Or some shit.
You think fishing is a peaceful, introspective practice and use the time to reflect on your life.
You are not very good at most sports, but you do like being outdoors.
You may have taken up fly fishing as suggestion from your therapist.
Not only do you pinch the barb, but you straighten the bend, so you don’t hurt the fish.
You chum with tofu.
You drive a Toyota hybrid.
Who am I missing?
Friday, December 19, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
According to Wikipedia, a fish is defined as any non-tetrapod chordate, (i.e., an animal with a backbone), that has gills throughout life and has limbs, if any, in the shape of fins. They are not cute or cuddly, and unlike some popular speculation they are not even close to intelligent. And please don't try to tell me that the last big brown that wrapped your leader around some unseen sunken object and broke you off had any idea what it was doing other than spasmatically freaking out. By the way, if fish could scream that would be terrifying. Just imagine after a hook-set, your fighting that big bow wen he jumps out of the water and AAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! splash. I'm just sayin'. But anyways....
If only these slippery bug-eating creatures from watery dimensions could comprehend the power they held over some of us. Just for a second, just a taste of the heart-pounding, frenzied-eyed lunacy that drives us out into threatening landscapes, waterscapes and any other scapes that lead to pescatorial pursuit. Would they think us mad?
Monday, December 15, 2008
Then when the snow started to fall i noticed it was too cold to fish (usually we wont say that). When your guides start to ice up, you cant feel your toes, and when you cast straight but you line still hold kinks, you know its time to pack it up. So I figured "What the hell, one last drift!" Then, BOOM! My indicator slams under the water and I set the hook. I have to be very carefull the Nymph i am using is a size 24 and the hit this fish took was massive. After playing with the fish I soon hoped it would break off, because by this point I felt my balls sucking back into my body and felt as if I was turning into a woman. I said screw it and muscled the fish in, (lucky I didn't bent the hook too much). i netted it in a hurry and got my camera out quick.
The next morning:
My tractor doest have any protection! This sucks!!!! Plowing snow at 8:30am in -4 weather. I felt the ice collect on my beard and the snot freezing in my nose. Its only a small price to pay when you live in a mountain paradise with a river right on property!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
A fly on the water is worth a thousand in the bush.
A $100 rod and a $700 rod break exactly the same if shut in a car door.
The better a fly looks, the better it will look stuck in a tree.
If you want to hook into a large trout, forget your net.
You being drunk makes fish fight harder.
Being drunk also makes you post stuff like this.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Add a six pack to swinging around a bass bug on my 8wt.... in the words of Pvt. Hudson: "Game over, man."
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Then there is the bad stank. The throw your pole in the water, pull your hair out, the-foliage-took-all-my-flies-and-I-can't-get-a-hook-set-to-save-my-God-Damn-life kinda stank. We have all had feelings like this, and for the briefest of moments we start to think of the guy who first said "a bad day of fishing is better than a good day of work" and want to punch him in the face.
And inevitably your fishing buddy, who is standing next to you pulling in fish like they are tied on a freaking rope when he turns to you and says, "Dude, shake it off."
Shake it off. Yea, just shake it off, just tap it in. Because up until this point the fishing gods have been raining nothing but shit on your parade, and you are ready to break your pole over your friends head and make the walk of shame back to the truck.
But, you don't. You don't leave. You know why? Because you are doing something you love, even if you may have forgotten it for a moment. So you stay. You tie on another fly and put it on the water. Maybe even catch something.
After you have calmed down and are OK with the fact that the 2 hours you spend tying flies are stuck in the bush behind you, you start to remember where you are. You are fishing, god dammit. You have your fly pole in your hand, standing beside some body of water, fishing. Now seriously, where else would you rather be?
Here are a few quick tips to get back to HappyVille:
3) Peppermint Schnapps
4) Take pleasure in others fortunes. Like your buttface friend catching all the fish.
6) Remember all the other big fish you caught and how happy you were then.
7) Beer. But remember, every time you walk away from your fly to piss you will miss a fish.
Remember folks, your fishing. How bad can it be?
Friday, November 21, 2008
Did I say it was cold? Yea call me what you want, but having to break the ice out of the eyes of my pole between casts was a new experience for me. It wasn't pee-stream-freezing cold, but it was close enough for me. Cold enough and windy enough for me to abandon the 10 weight fly pole I borrowed from Eric at Dry Creek Outfitters. (plug)
After the first day there was some trouble getting the trolling motor battery to take a charge, luckily it was windy enough to get in some good drifting. The 4th day on Sand Lake Josh hooked the one you see above. It was not a very good hook and we spent so long being surprised and taking photos it shook off by the time we realized that we should probably try to get it in the boat. I still consider it a success even though I am left with a watching-striptease-on-cable-television kind of feeling. Just a little unsatisfying, you know?
But good beer, good friends and some time on the lake is all I can ask for. And you know what they say about a bad day of fishing.....
On the last day, on the last cast with my newly purchased 'bionic bucktail' I found this little gem hidden in the weeds. It's been a while since I have seen a Northern and it felt good to finally catch something.
We saw the sun for one day, and boy was it a sight for sore eyes. Kinda like a fat guy seeing a taco stand after days of wandering across the desert. I like tacos.
A rare sighting of Wisconsin Lake Testicles. If you forget to wear your long john's, your balls will look like this too.
Try and try as you might Josh, but you cannot hide from the icy grip of that cold lake wind.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
I've heard Rose Canyon described as anything from a minnow farm to a mosquito factory in the many years I have fished it and although a picture worthy fish is not often seen, this season is different.. This year Arizona game and fish stocked brown trout anywhere from fingerling size on up to 6 pounds Here are a couple of decent sized browns taken recently by the FGFF boys. The flies that are working the best on them right now are a #12 elk hair caddis and #14 Ausable wolfe. These patterns are also bring a considerable amount of rainbows. The road in is closed right now but you can park by the gate and walk down. Remember to get your catalina highway day pass so you don't get a ticket for parking along the highway. It's a good distance walk(1 to 1.5 miles) but worth it for the quality fish you will find at the end of the road and being that you had to walk that far there will be none of the lazy, loud, obnoxious, novice fishermen you normally see there in the open season.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
and now we see here the first FGFF Tattoo! it is taken of a huge brown that Alex caught up in The white Mountains. And yes this will be fully colored as soon as I get the money. Also a Huge thanks to Ward from Area 51 Tattoo to help convince me to getthe fully colored fish instead of the green logo, Nothing wrong with the green logo but this fish will look amazing.
you will see here a Small trout that i caught. The little fart put up one hell of a fight tho. Thanks to Rich at Flies and Lies I can Finally tie a good looking egg pattern.
And in this Photo we have people i worked with over the Summer, I know this is has nothing to do with fat Guy Fly Fishing, but you know what, This was taken in the Buck Snort Saloon. A Place where the Fat guys went when Alex and Aaron were up in Colorado. This bar has just about everything you need, except whiskey. its a long drive up a very nasty dirt road where a drunk driver could fall off the side without a problem. So don't drive drunk back from this place. With the Dollar bills hanging all over the bar, the graffiti all over the walls and tables(they do not condone that you mark on the tables), to some suprisingly decent food! Now I say this about the food, because you walk in and see wood stacks, a creeking floor and a pool table. Out on the back patio a creek just below your feet. It seems like a biker bar or an old miners bar. the food you would expect to be like hot dogs, fried chicken, (you know the chicken thats been in the fryer so long it turns to rubber), and any other crap you would eat somewhere where they dont care. The truth is their menu is quite nice with a great selection. Trust me you are fed, they really put a large amount of food on the plate for the price.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
One afternoon I heard the UPS truck out front and ran like a giddy little school to get my new toy. I tore the package open, and spent the next 10 minutes taking it apart, putting it back together and rattling it back and forth. I have to say it is a pretty entertaining little devise.
The first thing that bothered me was a lack of printed instructions. It did come with an annoyingly slow DVD instructional video. After watching the video I realized that the Winder was not a magic, after all. Bummer.
The Winder allows you to tie all the knots you most lilely already know but in a way that seems more complicated. It does have a handy feature that allows you to hold loops, tag ends, and hooks if needed, and makes wrapping knots like the Albright and Nail knot easier by being able to spin the body of the tool in your hand. The Widner also does help keep the excess tag ends to a minimum. But these knots are just as easy to tie with the help of a Fast Knot Tier (above), the end of a pair of hemostats, or even a nail.
In the end, I would say that if you fly fish, and know how to tie these knots and have a tool that helps you with the hard ones, you don't need a Winder. If you are new to knot tying, or have vision problems or problems holding line and tying knots in general this tool would help you. It does tie knots, and pretty well too, but I hope that people dont come to dependent on help for tying all their knots. There are only a couple knots that, in my opinion, are a pain in the ass enough to require a tool. And that tool shouldn't cost over 10 dollars and leave you stranded if you lose it.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
The trip up was pretty uneventful, however I was partying with Dry Creek Eric the night before and didn't get any sleep and luckily I did not forget anything when I packed at a drunken 3am. This is something I will probably not do again for a long time, at least until I forget how much it sucked. Sleep is NOT overrated. I may sleep when I am dead, but I will also sleep as much as I can get away with while I am alive, as well.
We stayed in one of the big camp cabins that is usually made to sleep 20 something kids, and I tell you, it was barely enough to house the 3 of us. Between gear, the fat guys, and the amount of gas that was released, it is amazing that we survived the first night, let alone the whole trip. Aaron developed a new crop-dusting which involves spinning around to release the flatulence from your pants for maximum efficiency. It was brutal. Brutal enough to make Kyle almost puke twice. Thank Christ that the cabin had 15 foot ceilings. The River was running a little high, about 450cfs (cubic feet/second) and this made it a little hard to fish.
We mostly were nymphing with caddis pupas, emergers, tricos, RS2s.... real small stuff. We caught a couple big Rainbows, and a few small browns.
The River was awesome though. Its real nice to get away from the lakes for a while. I think we will have to take a trip up to the Black River and look for some smallies.
Kyle fell in the river and was almost swept away, Aaron also fell into the river, but he was not in much danger, however he did end up with wet-butt, which is always funny. He was quickly picked up by a shot of Jagermiester and was back fishing again. “You know what I don’t get about trout? Let’s say that there is a huge Tyco hatch or something, little tiny things. You should still be able to throw a big old stone fly or caddis nymph or something and catch fish. It’s like if someone told me that steak was out of season, and all there is is hot dogs…. If I found a steak, I will still eat it.” - Aaron.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
The trip kicked ass though. The fishing was great and the weather was great.... actually it was pretty spectacular when compared with the weather in Tucson in the summer.
Above, below and to the left are examples of Apache trout that were caught at Christmas Tree Lake. This is a trophy lake stocked with brute trout. It costs $25 a day, with a maximum of 20 people per day, and its worth every cent. The trout below is 2 inches and less than half a pound from the world record, coming in at 22in and 5.5lbs. Which is basically the same as the Arizona state record, since they are really only in Arizona. Still.... pretty sweet fish.
For me the Christmas tree king was a leach Aaron tied, which also caught the big fish. The leach can be seen below. He made a couple colors, and even one with some of my beard hairs in it. The fly was going to be named "Bigfoots Dick", but in the name of decency, was changed to "BUB: big ugly bugger." I don't care what you call it, it was the fly of the trip for sure. Personally, I like the former name.
Aw, crap..... what else? Lets see...
Aaron had a leak in his waders causing numerous cases of 'wet butt', which is always funny. Face farts are funny too, but apparently not to my father, who pointed out that he "was not laughing" when I was helping him untangle a fly line from the roof of his truck and 'accidentally' farted in his face. I laugh now just thinking of it.
Jagermeister is not funny either. But it does kick ass. Especially when you and one other person drink a whole bottle. But remember kids, drinking ant boating don't mix. Unless you are fishing, then bring on the booze. The FGFF guys say, "if fishing sucks, at least you can always catch a buzz." But we kick ass and always catch fish too.
I was there for 2 weeks, and a bunch of shit happened during that time, but its late, and this is all you are going to get for now.
Do you like the shameless plug to the right? Dry Creek outfitters kicks ass, by the way. Go there and spend money. It will make you a better fisherman and a better person. Not to mention better looking.
Monday, June 30, 2008
keep on keepin on,
Thursday, June 26, 2008
There has not been much fishing for me in the last couple weeks....But if you want something fun to do; go to the mountains, build a fire, get drunk and spend hours filling beer cans with pee and throwing them into said fire. Good times.
Look for something soon, hopefully.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Anyways, spent the weekend in and around Pinetop, fishing at Big Lake, Scotts reservoir, and Woodland lake. Scotts reservoir can suck my ass. Woodland was great cause it was triple stocked for the holiday…..and……has a great population of bass. Expect us back there in July for some bass action.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
The night fog rolled off Cyclone lake as the first trailer pulled in early Thursday morning. Thursday was the day. It would be the start of the great test: Drinking, fishing, horseshoe and poker masters rolled in and slowly assembled their weapons for the battle ahead. Lines and leaders, rods and reels, bottles and chips fell out of vehicles and trailers, strewn about camp sites while weary eyed travelers pounded tent-steaks and bloody marys in preparation for the 19th Annual Great Southwestern Wrinkleneck Invitational.
No babes, no boobs, no whining was the word. Leave the wife and kids at home….. Just as much for their protection as for the relief of the participants involved. This was no place for the innocent.I arrived early Thursday afternoon just in time to drink a beer and watch 2 inches of hail fall on the poor bastards already out on the lake. Many wrinkleneckers were already set up, and my father and I were joined under his tent, erected in preparation for the poker tournament lurking sometime after sunset.
The hail storm gave way to annoyingly intermittent rainfall as I prepared my gear and met some of the staff members. Around 2pm I put the boat in the water.
The fishing was outstanding and spending hours shaking off 8-11 inch rainbows was fun at first, but after a while it became slightly annoying. Looking for the big fish became a game of luck and patience, waiting through small hits and hookups in hopes of getting deep enough with your fly to find a worthy fish.The top water action was just as good but again, everything was small. I swear I caught the same god damn 9 inch trout 20 times throughout the weekend.
After dinner the rain let up and the clouds fucked off around dark leaving the night as cold as my father’s cards. Makers Mark helped, the game continued. I took over and made about a hundred, then lost half in one hand and went to bed. 3 hours later it was time for breakfast.Dinner was chicken fried steak, with Shiner Bock and Makers on the side followed by poker. I lost the rest of my money. Most of Friday afternoon and evening is a little hazy.
Saturday was the tournament day. Our team was my father, Pat and Myself. Pat and I were in the boat, while my father took his pontoon.
On Friday Pat and I had found a pretty good line for bigger fish, and we pounded that pretty hard. Low and slow. I was using the biggest brown and green buggers I had, while Pat used a big grasshopper popper. When lunch hit we were pretty sure we had the lead with two 14 and a 15 inch rainbow. After lunch we hit it again and my father pulled in a 17 incher, and on the last pass Pat clinched the lead with an 18 incher. That’s all it took to place first. That’s right…. 1st place. 51 ounces. We kick ass.
That evening after dinner the raffle and auction started. Nothing for me. Thanks to all the sponsors for the great stuff.Poker again that night…. Dave almost lit himself on fire, I was accosted by some random guy, my father won $400 in a straight up texas hold-em game to end the night. That’s all I remember.
Sunday we packed up and went home the champions. It was a successful ‘neck.
I would have to say that I have never drank so much, ate so much, fished so much and slept so little in a 3 day period in my life. I have to get Redneck up here next time….. he was missed.